


Buzzfeed Presents:

by nokia_writes



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, But no one dies, Buzzfeed Interviews, M/M, Post-Canon, inspired by that old dodie clark vid, richie tozier is a crackhead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-04-03 17:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21486541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nokia_writes/pseuds/nokia_writes
Summary: Comedian Richie Tozier and horror author Bill Denbrough swap their phones for an interview.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 19
Kudos: 697





	Buzzfeed Presents:

**Author's Note:**

> their friendship is underRATED and i’m mad about it
> 
> decided i’d hope on the bandwagon of interview fics with richie because they’re honestly the best kind of fics

**Trending: The internet is freaking out over horror writer Bill Denbrough and comedian Richie Tozier’s adorable friendship**

_Denbrough and Tozier did the iconic ‘phone swap’ interview, and the result is surprisingly wholesome_

**Buzzfeed presents; The Phone Swap with Richie Tozier and Bill Denbrough**

They’re on two plain black chairs, dressed formally casual, in front of a white backdrop.

“Hi, I’m Richie Tozier,”

“And I’m Bill Denbrough”

Richie hisses through his teeth, already cringing, “And today, we’re going to be swapping phones and fucking with each other’s lives.”

Bill chuckles, looking at him, “I’m so nervous.”

“Dude, I know,” Richie stage-whispers, and Bill laughs louder, “but we can’t bitch out now, the cameras are already rolling!”

A few people off camera laugh, and the two of them nervously switch phones. The game starts.

“Oh my god, I already have like, sweaty fish hands,” Richie says, scrolling through Bill’s phone. He reaches over and presses a clammy palm to Bill’s cheek and he shudders away and slaps it, making a face.

“You have all your contacts saved as weird shit.” Bill mumbles, smiling down at Richie’s phone. Richie looks over at him quickly.

“Why are you reading through my long texts!” He exclaims, reaching for his phone and Bill ducks out of the way, laughing.

“Oh shit, I have no idea what to say!” Bill looks up at the camera, frazzled, and Richie snickers next to him.

“See, this is why you don’t go up against a comedian, man. I’ve already sent pictures of your dick to like, eight people.” Richie says, not even looking up, and Bill laughs, slapping his thigh.

Richie giggles, and Bill looks over at him, terrified. “I texted Andrea.”

“My _e-editor!_” Bill gapes, hands coming up to his face.

Richie giggles again, legs bouncing. “I said ‘Hey Andie’—“

Bill sighs, looking exasperatedly at the camera, “I don’t even c-call her that.”

Richie continues, “‘I wanted to ask for your advice on something,’”

Bill covers his face, “Oh God.”

“‘I’ve recently been considering writing some adult novels, if you know what I mean—’”

Bill gapes at the camera. People off screen howl with laughter as Richie starts to smile, continuing to read the text.

“‘—I know it’s really not my style, but I’ve been seriously considering it, and I could even use a pen name. Would you still edit for me?’”

Once he’s finished, Richie leans back and laughs hysterically, Bill’s face still in his hands. 

“I hate you—“

Richie’s still cackling, “I’m sorry—“

“I hate you _so_ m-much!” Bill exclaims, reaching over to slap Richie’s arm. They both laugh together, Bill in horrible embarrassment. 

“She’s typing!” Richie says, and they both go quiet, hunched over the phone. Then, Richie erupts into laughter and Bill collapses back into the chair.

“She stopped typing!” Richie gets out between laughs.

“I’m getting back at you, you sick b-bitch.” Bill says, typing determinedly away at Richie’s phone. Richie laughs, glancing at the camera.

“I’m honestly a little scared. You’ve got some sick ideas up in that brain of yours, Denbrough.”

They type in silence for a few seconds. Then, Bill sits up, grinning proudly. Richie looks up at him, frightened. 

“So,”

“So?” Richie laughs.

“I texted Justin McElroy, since you have his nuh-number in your phone.”

Richie leaps up, “No! Oh my God, I haven’t talked to the brothers in forever, that’s so weird!”

Bill laughs up at him, “Yeah, I know!”

Richie flops back down, sighing heavily.

Bill giggles, “I said, ‘Hey Justin, it’s R-Rich’,”

Richie makes a face. More people off camera laugh.

“‘I’ve noticed that a few other comedians have made guest appearances on the podcast recently, and I was wondering if I could guest star again? I know it’s been a while but—’”

Richie groans, “That’s so awkward, oh my _God._. I might die.”

“‘—but I’ve been interested in growing my fan base r-recently, and your audience is just the type of audience I-I’m looking for!’”

Richie groans loudly, and Bill cackles.

“Ugh, he’s gonna be awkward about it too because we both have social anxiety!”

Bill laughs, and then fist pumps, grinning at the camera. “Yes!”

“Did you tell Mike I had your phone?” Bill asks, looking up at Richie.

Richie pauses, then laughs. “Oh yeah, ‘cause I texted him and said ‘my husband is better than yours’ and then sent a picture of my face.”

Bill laughs, shaking his head and raising a hand in a ‘what the fuck?’ gesture.

“And then we just got into an argument about who has the better spouse. He fought valiantly, but Eddie definitely won this one, Billy.”

“Wait, what’d he say a-about me?” Bill asks, leaning over Richie’s shoulder.

“Get outta here, you sappy gay!” Richie shoves on his shoulder playfully. “Wait, why’d you ask in the first place?”

“‘Cause, I-I just tried to convince Mike you were leaving Eddie for him and he just texted back, ‘Hi Bill’.”

The two of them break into laughter. 

Richie laughs, “Bev, Stan and I are just shit talking you on your own phone.”

“No way, I t-texted Bev from your phone t-too!”

Their laughter is cut short when Richie’s phone rings. The two of them look down at it. Richie frowns, and Bill smiles up at the camera.

“Why is Eddie calling?”

Bill giggles quietly as Richie snatches the phone from his hands. People behind the camera start to laugh.

“Bill, why is my husband calling?”

“He th-thinks you’re drunk.”

Richie grins up at him. And then he answers the call and puts it on speaker. Bill instantly claps a hand over his mouth, grinning.

“Hey...” Richie slurs into the phone in a dramatic, drunken tone. Bill’s shoulders are shaking.

“Richie, why the hell are you drunk at half past four on a Thursday afternoon?”

Bill closes his eyes and doubles over, struggling not to laugh.

“It’s been a rough week, Eds.” Richie groans, hiding a smile behind his hand. 

“What do you mean? You didn’t tell me anything about this, Richie, hon.”

Richie leans over to the side and fakes throwing up, the sound exaggerated and silly. Richie sits up, smiling, and laughs.

“Uhm, I-I’m not drunk Eds.”

Eddie goes silent, and Bill snorts from behind his hands.

Then, Eddie sighs, “Fucking _hell_, Richie.”

Bill explodes into laughter, clapping his hands and tilting his head back. Richie laughs too, head ducked, his phone held between the two of them. 

“Don’t blame me, it was Bill who texted you!”

“Hi, Eddie,” Bill says, both of them leaning over the phone now. 

“Oh my God, you’re both idiots.” Eddie responds, but he’s laughing now. “You’re a bad influence, Bill.”

Bill shrugs, making a face towards the camera that gets a few laughs. 

“You’re such a caring husband, Eddie, I’m sorry Bill’s an asshole.”

Bill socks him in the shoulder and raises his arms in indignation. Richie laughs.

“I’m Bill Denbrough,”

“And I’m Richie Tozier.” 

“And this has been the ‘phone swap’ interview.” Bill says, shaking his head and closing his eyes in regret.

“Go read Bill’s new book!” Richie grins and points at Bill. “It doesn’t have a shitty ending for once!”

“Go watch Richie host SNL next weekend so y-you can make fun of him live on nuh-national television!”

The interview ends with both of them looking at each other and making weird faces.

**comments**

_@bitchesbebonkers_

we’re really out here stanning 2 (two) forty year old white men

_@blackn0ir_

THEIR LITTLE GIGGLES NO ONE TALK TO ME IM CRYING

_@gregsbizarreadventures_

absolutely no one:  
bill and richie in this interview: we’re two halves of a whole idiot!

_@sincerelysam_

*slamming fists on table* WE WANT TO MEET MIKE AND EDDIE WE WANT TO MEET MIKE AND EDDIE WE-

_@gaysansastark_

richie and mike arguing over who has the better husband is peak gay culture. sorry heteros these men are off limits.

**Author's Note:**

> shameless plug for the McElroy brothers because i ADORE them and i could see Richie getting along with them but that might just be me


End file.
